Wow, over a month...

I can't believe it's been over a month since I've written. This blog is important to me, despite my neglect. It's propelled me forward in times of desperation, loneliness, and hopelessness. It's been my outlet, my notepad, a way for my craziness to form into something a little more understandable than the massive jumble that is my thoughts. So I thank you, blog, for being there, and I promise to start writing more.

Anyways, where to start? I haven't written since the end of April, so I'll start from there. I went to Binghamton the weekend of May 1st. It was a shitshow, but a welcomed and much-needed one. It's always good to see Danielle, I miss her TERRIBLY. We always tend to pick up right where we left off, which is in the middle of a good time. Although both of us vowed we would never enter that vile city again, we found ourselves revelling in the fact that we made it out alive, and actually could go back to reminisce and enjoy ourselves. The usual cast of characters was there except Zak. He had been there the weekend before, and I missed him. It wasn't the same without him for sure. I need to make it a point to see him this summer. Shitbag, Jay, Kyle, Kiersten..they were all there, and it was great to see every one of them. It reminds me that there are people in this world who really are genuine, and care about you, whether or not they talk to you regularly. That's a good feeling. That weekend was crazy. Eve 6 was great, but the idiot crowd surfing pig-resembling frat boys were not. Oh well. Just a few words to sum it up: eating, drinking, laughing, crying, loving, hugging, texting, calling, drinking, losing, finding, coming, going, driving, dancing, singing, jamming, drinking <3

That week, my brother and Rebecca visited. I had two full time guests at casa de heath. Abra and Chuck. I found it really comforting to have company and animal spirits in the house with me again. I would open my door and they would be draped across furniture, squinting at me and uttering words (Abra) and normal cat noises (Chuck). I gave them their tuna every night, and woke up with Chuck biting my toes a couple times. I miss Abra a lot though, I really wanted to steal Mygatt. That week was incredibly fun, the times I hung out with them. I miss my brother's friends...my extra brothers, in fact. I'm supposed to be hanging out with Ricky in a couple weeks and I couldn't be more excited. Feels like home, feels like family; its always nice to connect with people who have known you, and know where you come from and recognize your soul in a crowd.

Next weekend, Dad came with the rest of my stuff. Man, was that a relief and a half. It was amazing to see him of course, but the fact that I got a bed AND a dad in the same weekend?! I almost couldn't handle it! I really appreciated it more than he knows, and I know he had a good time seeing his friends (aka my boss) and doing some male bonding. Hunting and grunting and golfing, I think. Although it was a short trip, it was time well spent. Strange how I go from seeing my entire family every day to seeing each of my parents twice a year separately, and my brother about the same amount. It makes me feel independent, but it's also a little saddening. I like my family, and never really felt the need to run away like some kids do. Well, except when I was 8 and would pack a bag and walk to the end of the driveway..that kind of "running away" happened frequently...I wanted to be near my family, but yet my desire has not kept me close. I needed to do this for myself, and for the first time in a long time, following my instincts led me to a path where things made sense again. For this reason, I have a newfound faith in myself and an increase in self-reliance and trust in my decision-making abilities. For large scale things, anyway...I still make some decisions that are obviously bad for me. But I'm learning. You never stop learning. Isn't that what life is all about?

Other than that, I've just been puttering along, trying to budget my time and money, and being successful at only one of those. I'm trying though, and I'm growing up. Hell, I'll be 24 in a few months...gross. This birthday is one to look forward to, though. I'll be near my friends, and it falls on a Saturday. Let celebrating my life, and me, and wherever I may go, begin. It's about time. I'm still happy.





come.home.i.miss/love.you.