Looking forward

Yeah, I'm packing up my car. I'm taking enough shit to where I could stay wherever I go if I wanted, but it's not my whole life. I gotta follow my heart. and my heart is with my friends right now. and a couple other lost (without me) souls. Couple weeks, I'm on my journey. Wish me luck.

Guys I will never date

this post seems pretty appropriate considering the recent events in my life. this isn't a direct diss, its just things i've learned that i can't tolerate, and shouldn't have to. it wasn't all bad.

I will never date someone who:

-wears Crocs. There's no excuse for foam clogs in bright colors, I don't give a shit how comfortable they are. I'd rather see everyone wearing bunny slippers. At least they're cute.

-says "I dunno" as a response to every type of question. YES YOU DO KNOW. AND IF YOU DONT, FIND OUT FOR CHRISTS SAKE!

-sleeps diagonally. please share. i WILL kick you.

-is insensitive. I'm not asking for to you cry with me, but lend me your shoulder when i clearly need it.

-doesn't recognize and value the importance of family. and keeping in contact with them.

-doesn't have a great work ethic.

-thinks machinery (things with wheels, treads, engines..etc) is more important than I am

-doesn't clean his own ears. no explanation needed

-has crazy baggage

-doesn't take pride in his vehicles, home, or himself

-doesn't want to take me out and show me off

I think that's a pretty short list of things that I can't put up with. I had to get that off my chest. And now that I go back and read it, some of it's pretty funny. I'm glad I'll always have my sense of humor. Oh yeah, add that to the list too.. -doesn't have a sense of humor. and sarcasm.

:-)

Simple pleasures.

In the past week or so, I've found myself in a really good mood. I'm not complaining. I'm embracing it because it seems to be such a rarity in recent times. I think I've found a bunch of songs lately that have become the soundtrack to my regeneration. My confidence isn't where it needs to be...but it'll get there. I've taken the time to really think about the simple pleasures in life. So far, this is the list I've discovered.

*the smell of a real christmas tree
*watching a dog have a dream
*seeing the way candles light up a room
*a cat purring on your chest
*a baby's laugh
*singing at the top of your lungs


thats it so far. more to come. live~love~laugh

We'll see...

I am, for the first time in along time, really excited about not knowing what's going to happen. It is up to me to create my own happiness and I really do feel like doing so. It's going to feel so much better when I achieve something, knowing I did something solely for the purpose of bettering myself. In the end, all you have is yourself. Make yourself the best you can be. Like Monica would say, quoting Dolly Parton..."find yourself, and do it on purpose"..I can't wait to see what I find.

once.

her: i want you so bad
him: yeah tell me about it
her: come get me seriously
her: seriously wtf
him: what?
her:come and get me
him: i would love to but i cant. if you can find a way up here then you can stay at my house for as long as u want or till we fall in love and even then u can stay as long as u want
her: do u mean that
him: yes and i havent had anything to drink
her: i want to...ive wanted that forever. I just cant live in cny i cant do it...
him: ok dont we can move up north seriously but thats it. at least come see me.
her: im going to. my mom even wants me to. i dont care if we lived in a fucking igloo as long as i was with you
her: when u want me to come






if that isn't true love, i dont know what is.

my friends

This past week has probably been one of the most difficult weeks of my life, emotionally. It's only going to get harder, i have a feeling. I had been starting to doubt some of my friends, but it turns out they reinforced my beliefs in them. All of them did. I am truly thankful that I have such wonderful people that I can call friends, and that do the same for me. It always feels good to catch up, and sometimes it only takes one conversation to feel completely reconnected to somebody. Sometimes I am the one to initiate it, but I don't mind, if it's reciprocated. It took me this long to gain such wonderful friends, and I hope I have them for another 23 years, and well beyond then.

The holidays are coming up, and although i want to shout out an extremely sarcastic "Happy f%^&*ing Holidays!" because the phrase seems pretty ironic considering the stress that they usually cause. Where exactly does the happiness lie? Not sure this year. For me, anyway. Christmas has always been the one holiday I really looked forward to because it was almost a guarantee that my family would be together. Mom wants to go on a vacation. I feel so guilty that the thought of going to a tropical island on Christmas and drinking fruity cocktails all day while lying in the sun isn't panning out to be the paradise it should. I don't know how to feel anymore, really.

I've downloaded some pretty decent music lately. Well, I mean, everybody has their own opinion of what decent is but I think it's pretty good. Angels & Airwaves, Chris Cornell, Duffy, Kanye West...

I am so excited for March.

In March you'll know why. So stay tuned.