I'm writing a happy entry today. Am I happy today? Not particularly. My head hurts from last night, I'm not wearing a bra, and I could probably eat anything put in front of me right now. But I'm writing a happy entry for Sarah's sake. There apparently isn't enough sunshine in my life. So, here is a list of things I'm currently thankful for.
- hoodies
- this beautiful BEAUTIFUL fall day.
- my car and the fact that it still works
- mi madre.
- pets.
- my "workday" is half over
- my boss
- hulu
- stolen internet connections
- my ipod
- the color orange
- the smell of my pillow
- mi hermano
- my friends
- texting
- freckles
- having green eyes
- free samples
- sweat p's
- laughter.
- Dave Matthews Band
- old pictures
- finally having high speed internet at work
- memories
- pizza for breakfast
- my hands and feet
- rye bread and dill dip from Wegmans
- the smell of autumn
- the death of fruitflies
I could go on, but I need to go back to watching hulu and icing my head with a coldpack from the freezer. I could use one of those eyemasks. Maybe I'll bring one in and put it in the fridge. My boss would LOVE that. :-)
Have a good day everybody...and especially YOU bword.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Money, its a crime
My main stress lately has been money. I am debating whether therapy is worth it at this point in my life. I think I'd rather have a car whos window goes all the way up. Oh, and I'd also like to pay down my credit card debt. It just seems like a waste of my time and energy to re-live everything, and pay to do so. I'm going for the second time tomorrow, and I'm hoping my 90 year old psychiatrist is more attentive this time. If this one doesn't get any better, I'm going to tell her that I'm having financial issues and will call her in the future.
It seems the more money I make, the more I spend. Isn't that how it always goes? I may look into getting a second job..but frankly, I simply don't want to. My debt weighs on me daily, and I can't help but think about it. 500 dollars here, 150 dollars there, 600 dollars over there. It doesn't seem like much, but it is. I hate paying rent. I'd rather be paying for a house. However, I would like someone to share a house with.
My birthday weekend was good. I've found that once a week goes by since something happens I simply stop caring about it. Maybe this is good in some instances, maybe it's bad. I'm not sure yet. One thing I do have to look forward to is the rapidly approaching fall. There were a few days where that smell was in the air. That smell makes me glad to be alive. Anyone who's been in New York in the fall knows the smell that I'm talking about. I don't like when summer lingers - it has had its chance to be a season. Fall's glory is cut short as it is. I'm tired of sweating, I'm ready for sweatshirts and flannel sheets.
There are often times I feel compelled to write in my blog, and I'm sorry that as of late it's not really anything worth reading. But things in my life aren't really worth writing about right now, either. I get sick of the boredom, the predictability of myself and others. I'm craving someone new in my life, no matter what form it comes in. I know there's somebody out there that still has the ability to surprise me. Like a quote from one of my favorite movies, American Beauty, "It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself." I think that's what I'll work on now. Being able to pleasantly surprise myself. I need to take control of myself, my life, and my actions. Feelings and thoughts I cannot control, but how I react to them is what gives me the power.
It seems the more money I make, the more I spend. Isn't that how it always goes? I may look into getting a second job..but frankly, I simply don't want to. My debt weighs on me daily, and I can't help but think about it. 500 dollars here, 150 dollars there, 600 dollars over there. It doesn't seem like much, but it is. I hate paying rent. I'd rather be paying for a house. However, I would like someone to share a house with.
My birthday weekend was good. I've found that once a week goes by since something happens I simply stop caring about it. Maybe this is good in some instances, maybe it's bad. I'm not sure yet. One thing I do have to look forward to is the rapidly approaching fall. There were a few days where that smell was in the air. That smell makes me glad to be alive. Anyone who's been in New York in the fall knows the smell that I'm talking about. I don't like when summer lingers - it has had its chance to be a season. Fall's glory is cut short as it is. I'm tired of sweating, I'm ready for sweatshirts and flannel sheets.
There are often times I feel compelled to write in my blog, and I'm sorry that as of late it's not really anything worth reading. But things in my life aren't really worth writing about right now, either. I get sick of the boredom, the predictability of myself and others. I'm craving someone new in my life, no matter what form it comes in. I know there's somebody out there that still has the ability to surprise me. Like a quote from one of my favorite movies, American Beauty, "It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself." I think that's what I'll work on now. Being able to pleasantly surprise myself. I need to take control of myself, my life, and my actions. Feelings and thoughts I cannot control, but how I react to them is what gives me the power.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
my head hurts
It's never enough to say I'm sorry
It's never enough to say I care
But I'm caught between what you
wanted from me, and knowing
If I give it to you,
I might just disappear
No one wins when everyone's losing,
oh its like
one step forward and two steps back
no matter what i do you're always mad
and i can't change your mind
its like trying to turn around on a one way street
i can't give you what you want and it's killing me,
and i, i'm starting to see
that maybe we're not meant to be
It's never enough to say I love you
It's never enough to say I try
It's hard to believe
that there's no way out for you and me
and it seems to be the story of our life
there's still time to turn this around
should we be buildin it up
instead of tearing it down
but i keep thinking
maybe it's too late
It's never enough to say I care
But I'm caught between what you
wanted from me, and knowing
If I give it to you,
I might just disappear
No one wins when everyone's losing,
oh its like
one step forward and two steps back
no matter what i do you're always mad
and i can't change your mind
its like trying to turn around on a one way street
i can't give you what you want and it's killing me,
and i, i'm starting to see
that maybe we're not meant to be
It's never enough to say I love you
It's never enough to say I try
It's hard to believe
that there's no way out for you and me
and it seems to be the story of our life
there's still time to turn this around
should we be buildin it up
instead of tearing it down
but i keep thinking
maybe it's too late
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