The Heart of the Matter

I woke up this morning to a text message from Kacie letting me know who re-did "Heart of the Matter." I never would have known if it weren't for her! I miss her... a lot. I'm too used to having a friendship through text message..and our time together was so brief it seems like it never even happened. I have pictures that prove it did, though. Some of my best times were had with her. One time, in a drunken circus of a night, I actually peed my pants when I came up the stairs and she jumped out with Katie's pads strapped to her ears and yelled "EARMUFFS!" Or the multiple random phone calls we'd make to people on campus using her girl talk voice changer phone. Nobody, at age 18, would still have a voice changer phone except Kacie....Man, that thing caused some controversy!!! hahaah. There's too many memories to list...but theyre the kind of memories that even if you weren't there for it, theyre hilarious. Those are the best kind becaues they can be shared. She's a rare find in a friend and I think of her often...

I came on here to talk about something else though, she just popped into my head. So Ive decided to see my dad when he comes to New York this weekend. It was a tough decision, but also a no brainer at the same time. Of course I miss my dad. I'm just afraid Im gonna lose it. It's easier being here when they're there. I never thought I'd say that, either. I understand that he feels bad and left it up to me whether or not I wanted to see him. His text messages were harsh, though. I'm not used to getting an attitude from my dad. It was left that he missed me too and would call me when he got into the airport. I left the day's events up to him though. He can think of things to do. We'll see how that goes. I'm hoping for something good. Not something awkward and unprogressive.

Lately I have felt pretty alone. I don't do much and nobody really seems to be active in pursuing hanging out with me. Not even who I live with. I'm invisible, I'm just something to deal with. Everybody here has their own life and I'm not part of it. Maybe it is time to go...I'd love to just pick up and go, leave this place, surprise people...who cares if I don't see people I wanted to see one last time? I've been here a month and hung out with three friends. I guess I just wish I was in other peoples thoughts as much as they are in mine. I gotta learn to get my priorities straight.