Money, its a crime

My main stress lately has been money. I am debating whether therapy is worth it at this point in my life. I think I'd rather have a car whos window goes all the way up. Oh, and I'd also like to pay down my credit card debt. It just seems like a waste of my time and energy to re-live everything, and pay to do so. I'm going for the second time tomorrow, and I'm hoping my 90 year old psychiatrist is more attentive this time. If this one doesn't get any better, I'm going to tell her that I'm having financial issues and will call her in the future.

It seems the more money I make, the more I spend. Isn't that how it always goes? I may look into getting a second job..but frankly, I simply don't want to. My debt weighs on me daily, and I can't help but think about it. 500 dollars here, 150 dollars there, 600 dollars over there. It doesn't seem like much, but it is. I hate paying rent. I'd rather be paying for a house. However, I would like someone to share a house with.

My birthday weekend was good. I've found that once a week goes by since something happens I simply stop caring about it. Maybe this is good in some instances, maybe it's bad. I'm not sure yet. One thing I do have to look forward to is the rapidly approaching fall. There were a few days where that smell was in the air. That smell makes me glad to be alive. Anyone who's been in New York in the fall knows the smell that I'm talking about. I don't like when summer lingers - it has had its chance to be a season. Fall's glory is cut short as it is. I'm tired of sweating, I'm ready for sweatshirts and flannel sheets.

There are often times I feel compelled to write in my blog, and I'm sorry that as of late it's not really anything worth reading. But things in my life aren't really worth writing about right now, either. I get sick of the boredom, the predictability of myself and others. I'm craving someone new in my life, no matter what form it comes in. I know there's somebody out there that still has the ability to surprise me. Like a quote from one of my favorite movies, American Beauty, "It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself." I think that's what I'll work on now. Being able to pleasantly surprise myself. I need to take control of myself, my life, and my actions. Feelings and thoughts I cannot control, but how I react to them is what gives me the power.