Cambio

Things have been up and down lately. I'm really tired of the day-by-day mentality, but I guess that's just how it has to be. Everything seems to irritate me. I'm finding out who really wanted to stay in touch with me and who really doesn't seem to care. It's not what I expected. Mom went back to work yesterday so now it's just Allie and I during the day. She's boring though. I wouldn't say I'm bored yet...almost being here for a month now, but I'm more restless. I'm motivated in my mind and my thoughts but not my actions. If I could connect the two, I'd be unstoppable. My head's in a million different places right now and I'm finding it hard to focus on any one thing. As I go through the things in my room, memories come flooding back of the way my life used to be. And I remember being 18, "with the whole world in front of me," but it didn't feel that way at the time. I can't say if I was there again I'd do things differently, but there are certain moments that I'm not so fond of my decision making. When I graduated high school nothing big in my life had changed yet. From 18 on it seems like it's been nothing BUT changes. I'm ready to have my feet planted firmly, and I'm ready for some mundane events. The break-ups, the make-ups, the moving, the deaths...put it all on hold. I understand that it's all part of life, but I need a chance to catch my breath. However, I also know that a higher power wouldn't give me more than I could handle. Referring to an old saying, and more recently a Kanye West song..."that that don't kill me, can only make me stronger" is proving true. But when will I be strong enough? And who decides?