I'm feeling more defeated and withdrawn than I can remember feeling in a long time, if ever. I think this is the most bleak my life has seemed thus far. I hate to keep being negative, but I'm surrounded by negativity...whether it be through my atmosphere or the negativity that already lies with in me just waiting to seep down into my thoughts. Nothing good has happened since I've been here. I was so happy to get out of New York..I don't understand. I knew it wouldnt be an instant fix for all my issues, but this is just ridiculous. Where is this karmic pollution coming from? I'm totally happy to be alone lately, despite the built-in companionship I have in my house. I'd usually say in my home, but it doesn't serve that purpose for me anywhere. My home exists in a past that I find myself constantly revisiting. I think this previous Friday was one of the worst days I've had. I had a completely disheartening phone call, it was realistic I guess, but nonetheless depressing. How can somebody talk to somebody that cares about them like that and be okay with it? Can't the universe help me out a little here? I'm trying... sometimes I just feel like screaming at the top of my lungs to see if I'm actually still alive and if anybody hears me. Tired of it, and all I wonder is...what the FUCK.
p.s. so much for the blip...more like a flatline.
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