Yeah, so things have changed a bit since my last post. Couple more relationships have gone to shit, including my very favorite one that was undefinable by any standards.
I emailed a counselor and am waiting to hear back. I'm excited to finally be getting some help.
Saturday was a disaster, Sunday was depressing, and Monday and Tuesday I spent mostly numb.
Today was different though...I feel more alive. I'm taking matters into my own hands. I might be depressed, shaken, and hurt...but I'm still smart as hell and I'm going to use it to my advantage.
I put my NY plates on my car. It's official! Now to get the inspection (cross your fingers) and oil change my baby so desperately needs.
Monica's back in town, I'm so glad. She also got verizon yesterday which is even better news!!! I miss her being around. I hope she sticks to her guns like I am trying to..we always seem to be there to support eachother, even though shes a big fan of tough love, and I don't need that right now. I beat myself up enough, I think.
I talked to Kirsten for a long time yesterday, and it really gave me some clarity. Her and I are both so articulate, intellectual, and deep. She puts things in perspective in a way that only a friend can. We're more like sisters. Ups and downs, family affairs, long history and plenty of memories. I'm grateful for the relationship I have with her. She's trying to plan a trip to South Carolina, and she said that I can go with her. I have to get details, but I'm going to mention it to my boss today. I just hope I'll be able to pay my rent if I do decide to go. I think I'd sacrifice some money for some relaxation with my mom and friends.
I've been lazy as far as the gym goes this week. I just HATE the smell in that place. And I think they're trying to sweat us all out of there. I think I've lost about 10-15 lbs since I started going though, I feel the difference in my clothes, even if I don't look that much different. The jeans I was squeezing into in the winter now hang loosely. It gives me a sense of accomplishment. I'm going to keep going..but I needed a couple days off.
I needed a couple days off from seeing the exercise maniac that's there every day, wasting away, going slowly on the elliptical for over an hour, then to the treadmill, then back. She can't weigh more than 85 pounds, and she always looks so sad. She definitely has some kind of issue, and it can't be healthy. Doesn't anyone care enough about her to say something?
I'm glad I have people that would say something to me. Tough love. Such a true statement.
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