Ramblings/Bored at work

For some reason, I can only communicate through lyrics as of late. Songs seem to twist words together in a way that explains a complete thought. Sentences just don't find their way into my soul like lyrics do. Even written, without accompanying music, some words seem to navigate their way to my heart easier than others. I often wonder why I am not capable of writing words that way, and it makes me have so much respect and admiration for people who can - songwriters, lyricists. I've always loved the written word, English class, reading books. Words and languages are something to be played with and explored. Grammar doesn't matter in music, punctuation is ignored. In all honesty, none of it makes sense....but in reality, it all makes perfect sense. How is it that I can find everything I want to say in a three minute song?

Mom recently asked me what my facebook status, "amazing what a minute can do" meant. Did it signify something specific? An event, a feeling....did something happen? Say that something did happen. It's true because that single minute, second, or hour could change someone's life forever. However, just stating that without an event actually taking place, or any change occuring...it still rings true. Amazing could be something positive, or something negative. The context to which the actual lyric is supposed to be taken into has to do with a car accident. The song "so damn lucky" is where it originates. It just makes you aware that your life really can change, for better or worse, in one minute or less. There was no specific reason for me to write that; I just like the message.

I'm getting down to the nitty gritty of my own whirlwind of a mind, because things are slowing down for me and I have more time to think. And think some more. I find it easy to relate to songs; they seem to save my life. Or at least save me from going crazy for another day. Anything that makes me happy or gives me a sense of serenity or calm is something I aim for these days.

I'm learning to count on myself for more things, and it scares me. Not because I feel weak, or incompetent, but because in reality we are all we really have. I like spending time with myself, doing whatever I see fit. I do like company as well. Some people's more than others. It seems like even though I don't even have expectations a lot of the time, somehow I'm still let down. Is that possible? I really don't feel that I do have expectations. I just think there's a certain level that friendships or relationships reach where things should be a given, and go without saying.

I guess everyone's on a selfish kick lately. Good for them. Just don't be surprised when you need me and I'm too busy, or I just don't care. It's easier to be a bitch and be selfish. I'm gonna try it out for awhile and see how it works. Although it's against my nature (ok, the bitch part isn't really...but I'm talking about a REAL bitch!) to be so closed off and unthoughtful, it may be easier. I prefer the term guarded. That doesn't have such a negative connotation to it.

The first step to doing this is what Kacie and I like to refer to as "anti-cell phone days." Those are the days where we ignore everyone but eachother, and family (for the most part). It's pretty refreshing actually. lol. We both get to the point where everyone ends up ticking us off, and it's just easier to go on hiatus. She gets more shit for it when she goes MIA though. People asking her if theyre still friends if they havent talked in two hours. That would be enough to drive me crazy right there. God bless her!

I guess that's it for now.






you're right, we're not on the same page.