Shitstorm

I couldn't really think of a title. But I like that term. I've got some things going on that are gonna be a bear to deal with coming up here shortly. Don't worry, it's nothing serious, just something I prefer not to publish. I'm okay, and it'll be okay.

My frustration with many things continues to grow. My head was clouded for awhile, and things are different now. But instead of the clouds clearing, it's beginning to storm. Things I've been burying and putting off dealing with are coming out; there's only so much time can go by before everything rises to the surface. My anger surfaced on Sunday, in the form of a well intentioned phone call. Just can't hold it in anymore, I guess. Promises were made, will promises be kept? I'm not holding my breath. That part of my faith has been tested, and worn down. It's sad when a girl, or anyone for that matter, questions whether or not she can trust the people in her life that are supposed to love her.

A lot of people that were supposed to love me have tested me, and I'm tired of it. I'm exhausted by other peoples actions moreso than my own..even though I do have legitimate reason for exhaustion lately. I've been working on myself, inside and out. Hopefully it will start to pay off.
Small changes that I've both consciously and unconsciously made show themselves at times, and I get a sudden wave of pride. I'm glad that I'm getting to a point where I actually think things through, and weigh my options. I've never considered m yself impulsive, but upon a closer inspection, I do have impulsive tendencies.

However, everything depends on the situation. I alter my reactions, responses, and views based on circumstances. I don't know if that makes me open minded, or gullible. I'm not easily swayed into believing everything people tell me. I'm a skeptic. I'm a critic. I'm an analyst. I'm a realist. I used to consider myself a pessimist, until I got back here. I became the optimist for once. I think now it's finally starting to balance out, where I don't even feel the need to label, or strain to change what comes naturally to me. I'm figuring out who I am at this point in my life, and I think that's what Im supposed to do anyway. I guess I can't be on that wrong of a path if people around me seem more lost than I am.

I just can't wait til July 1st. I know I won't shake this irritated feeling until then. 8 days. Maybe some of the clouds will start to clear in July. July should be a good month. I got some things coming up I'm looking forward to. Except I can't believe how close I'm getting to being 24. Yikes!








somebodys heart is broken
it becomes your favorite song